I must confess I’ve had my goal set for October for a good week or two now, right up to this morning – when I changed my mind.
Originally, my goal had sprouted from some very motivated, very type-A thoughts of mine. These thoughts were along the lines of:
I need to try harder.
I get so close to my goals… and then I chicken out. Gah!
I’m not as disciplined as I used to be.
If I just push myself more, I know I’ll get there.
No pain no gain!
Well, this morning I decided that these thoughts, however useful they may be to some people in some circumstances, have always led me to dark places and feeling discontent.
If there’s always a slave driver whipping your back, when do you get to turn around and see how far you’ve come?
It’s true that I’m not as hard on myself as I once was, but honestly I think that’s a good thing.
I take care of myself. I get enough sleep (even if it means a granny-like bedtime). I take time out with friends and family. I don’t let myself get too hungry. I take rest days if I’m tired. I even treated myself to an hour long massage last week!
To be able to do those things was pretty foreign to me a few years ago. I would feel like I didn’t deserve them, or that I had to achieve X to deserve them.
Well, IMO there’s too little time to think like that.
This month, I’m cultivating KINDNESS, towards myself – and trying my best to extend that to others.
(This post gets less egocentric from here, promise!)
I see loved ones around me berate themselves quite regularly. My dad had a wonderful moment recently: within the space of 3 minutes he had accidentally knocked over a glass vase and a picture frame.
I’m still giggling thinking about it.
I was giggling at the time too, which I’m sure was quite unhelpful, but he was quite a sight: red in the face and swearing like only a true Irish man can.
Oh Pops. Accidents happen.
I have other friends who are working long hours, even clients who I want to tell to just go home, and have some tea and an early night.
But before I start trying to get others to be kind to themselves, I guess I need to start with myself. So, that’s what this month is about.
Also, coincidentally the latest Ben Coomber podcast also touched on this (literally listening to it as I wrote this – so creepy) and it echoes a lot of my thoughts – worth checking out!
Do you have a goal for October?
Ever struggle with self kindness?